


Acting, not 'Re'acting

by Bumpkin



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Alex R., Cub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-11
Updated: 2010-03-10
Packaged: 2017-10-18 00:58:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/183232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bumpkin/pseuds/Bumpkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This doesn't make sense,' Alex thought… 'This was not how the SAS worked, not as far as he'd understood it…' As he'd understood, the SAS prided themselves on their versatility and teamwork... and so far he just wasn't seeing that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not mine…

Acting, not _Re_ acting:1  
By Marns AKA Bumpkin  
Rated PG-13  
Gen  
(Wordcount: 1, 995)

' _This doesn't make sense,_ ' Alex thought yet again as he went through the motions of doing as he'd been told, while the unit he'd been assigned to ignored him for the most part. The leader, Wolf, on the other hand, was still doing his utmost to make Alex's life miserable, as if it was some sacred calling he'd been given from on high. Alex barely managed to quash his sigh of frustration as he reiterated to himself, _'This is_ not _how the SAS worked_ , or at least not as far as he'd understood from what Ian had told him at any rate'. From what he'd understood, the SAS prided themselves on their versatility and teamwork, on being the ultimate soldiers for whatever was needed – and so far he just wasn't seeing that. But no, instead what he was seeing was basically boot-camp, with a few extra activities added in. Not exactly what he'd thought was SAS material, and really, it was stuff that didn't make sense for him to be doing either.

He supposed he could have missed a lot of the more specialized stuff as he'd arrived in the middle of a session, that was a definite possibility. Like the Sergeant had said when he first saw him, fourteen weeks of training in twelve days – the very idea was preposterous, especially when what they were teaching him wasn't for the most part, needed or particularly useful for the purposes of his upcoming assignment. It was more than a bit frustrating, for both them and him. He could understand why they were not too happy with him; he hindered the unit while they were learning the stuff they needed and he didn't.

Well, he did have to concede on the usefulness of the unarmed combat class,; that particular segment of the training could save his life – if only they were more interested in actually teaching him rather than just beating him down. He was already a first-grade Dan, a black belt, in Karate thanks to his Uncle, but the techniques and styles they were using at Brecon Beacons – well, they were a hell of a lot dirtier and meaner. They were made up of a bunch of different disciplines all cobbled together making it that much harder to fight. It was unpredictable, powerful and utterly brutal; Alex was knocked down so often and so hard that it took almost all his nerve to keep getting up again. He did keep getting up though, and he learned. Even if they hadn't intended to teach him, he paid attention and gained the knowledge they were unwittingly sharing. Pain is, after all, a great motivator.

Then, on the tenth day, they did the exercise in the 'Killing House'. Alex was enthralled. _This_ , he thought, _was the type of thing he needed to learn_ , it was the type of knowledge that would enable him to survive where Blunt intended to send him. He'd hung back behind and watched avidly as the four men detected, dismantled, disengaged, and otherwise navigated the booby-trapped house. He shadowed them and listened to their every word as they worked, learning and memorizing everything they did right up until the end. Then Wolf struck, shoving him into the trip-wire. That was a bad scene, painful and totally unnecessary.

' _Or was it unnecessary?_ ' Alex wondered. It had certainly gotten Alex thinking again and maybe that had been the point behind Wolf doing it.

Up until Wolf had pulled the stunt with the trip-wire, Alex had been operating pretty much in some kind of dazed auto-pilot mode since he'd arrived at Brecon Beacons. Not the smartest thing for him to do, he had to admit, but with Ian's death, his subsequent grief and then all that he'd learned after it – well, perhaps he could be excused for being a bit overwhelmed. Of course, Blunt's demands and blackmail for Alex to complete his Uncle's last – and fatal – mission hadn't exactly helped him cope any either. It had only added to his feeling of being inundated by everything that had happened.

To give himself some time to think, Alex showed some integrity and didn't rat out Wolf – which meant precisely nothing really. Alex knew the Sergeant already knew what happened anyway since he had watched K-Unit via the CCTV with the man on their other two training exercises that day, so keeping quiet only made Alex look loyal to his team – which led to now. Their punishment hike, 30 miles with no rations and nothing else. Pure survivalist hell with only what they carried in their 55lb backpacks – 22lbs for him; they at least made that allowance for his age and size That and an extended deadline. It was downright decent of them when he recalled many of their rants about how he was resented, how he was just a schoolboy and shouldn't be there. Except, he didn't feel particularly resented, and other than Wolf, he didn't feel all that persecuted either.

Mostly what he felt from anyone else he'd encountered at Brecon Beacons was indifference, and perhaps a bit of pity. Finally, the thing he felt the strongest from everyone, including himself, was varying levels of confusion. They had no idea why a school-boy was thrust into their midst and MI6 didn't tell them. MI6 didn't like to give up any information to anyone for anything, even to those who were directly being affected.

But it seemed that some had guessed something about the reasons, and then done their best to help the only way they could.

With the cobwebs cleared from his mind and his body mindlessly exhausting itself with the punishment of the hike, Alex found he could reason again. He mentally reviewed his time spent at Brecon Beacons and saw a whole new facet evolve. For all his bluster, the Sergeant had actually done a fair amount to accommodate Alex, a hell of a lot more than he should have if what Alex suspected about Blunt's aims for this little side excursion were true. So, instead of an utterly demoralized child, which would have made him that much more malleable to whatever the man in charge of MI6 wanted, they were getting back a confident one. Whether that was the result they had wanted or not, they were stuck with it because of the skillful judgment of just what would allow Alex to mostly keep up with his unit, despite his age and size.

Wolf's actions also took on a whole new meaning when seen from another angle. The man was a born leader, plain and simple, and when you lead men, you get a feeling for when one of them aren't operating at optimum. Alex had been placed under the man's leadership and he couldn't deny that he hadn't been operating at anything close to optimum for the majority of the time he had been at Brecon Beacons. No wonder the man had been snapping at him like a bear with a sore tooth, he'd probably been trying anything he could think of to wake him up. It was only too bad that it had taken the flash grenade in the damn Killing House to finally do it.

Wolf was still a dick though, Alex wasn't changing his mind on that. He didn't care how much of a born leader the man was or that in the end he'd ended up helping him, he was always going to be a dick.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he almost walked into the Sergeant. Surprised that he'd managed to find where he needed to be while not paying the best of attention to his surroundings, not that he could see much in the rain, he stumbled to a halt and scraped his wet hair back from his forehead to look up at the man. He was just shoving some matches back into his pocket after lighting a cigarette. He looked at his watch.

"Eleven hours and five minutes, that's not bad, Cub, but the others were here three hours ago."

Alex didn't say anything. What could he say? Bully for them? They'd had a shorter time than him, at least they made it in their own time frame – that was good, right? The Sergeant didn't take any notice of his silence, he just pointed towards the top of a wall and said, "anyway, you should just make the first RV. It's up there."

Alex whined. There was no other word for the sound that escaped his throat, it was remarkably similar to the pitiful sound puppies make when unhappy. The wall was two to three hundred feet straight up, solid rock without a foothold or handhold in sight. Alex knew how to climb, Ian had taken him rock climbing lots of times, all over Europe, but he'd never climbed alone and never when he was so tired. The Sergeant looked at him knowingly.

"Cub, it's not as difficult as it looks."

Alex shot the man a disbelieving look. He chuckled and said, "Let me put it this way, Wolf really made you mad when he pulled that crap in the Killing House, didn't he?"

Alex looked narrowly at the large man and said slowly, "Yes, sir."

"Well, It must have been really hard not to come out yelling or swinging at him for that stunt, but you didn't – instead you kept quiet, understanding that doing either would have got both you and K-Unit in trouble. That was good, that was thinking strategically. But I also know you remembered about the CCTV in the Killing House and that's why you didn't say anything about what Wolf did, again you were thinking on more than one level - but I wonder if you've figured out why he did what he did? Why he's being so hard on you this entire time?"

Alex was quicker to answer this time, "Yes, sir, I think so anyway."

The Sergeant nodded, "Good, then all you need to know is that wall there is like Wolf, looks difficult as hell but easy to figure out once you get started."

Alex snorted. He hadn't expected that. Who knew the man had a sense of humour? Summoning up the dregs of his strength reserves he smiled at the Sergeant and brushed by him on the way to the wall.

"Thanks, Sergeant." He said to the man as he put his hands on the wall to search for the handholds he knew had to be there.

"You're welcome, kid. And don't worry, they're waiting for you just over the top with a nice cold dinner. Survival rations, you don't want to miss that!"

Alex rolled his eyes and started to climb. Twenty minutes later he made it to the top and sure enough, K-Unit was already there with three tents that they must have pitched earlier that afternoon. Two of the tents were barely large enough for sharing, the last tiny and obviously for him alone. The one called Snake looked up from his cold can of stew when Alex wandered into speaking distance.

"Hunh, I didn't think you'd make it." His lightly Scottish accented voice held something that Alex thought was respect, and maybe a little warmth. Certainly more than the words themselves would suggest at any rate.

Alex's reply, spoken as he walked by, was droll, "Nor did I."

Snake's laughter followed him as he wandered over to the other three where they were trying, and failing, to light a fire with flint rocks and some rather soggy tinder. He threw the matches he had pick-pocketed from the Sergeant down at their feet and said, "Here, these might help."

Dumbfounded faces followed him as he went to his tent. He didn't care, even if he knew that he had a better chance of survival now that he'd come to his senses and that he was no-one's docile little puppet, he was going to sleep. He was bloody exhausted.

Tbc…


	2. Chapter 2

Acting, not _Re_ acting:2  
By Marns AKA Bumpkin  
Rated PG-13  
Gen  
(Wordcount: 2,135)

Alex didn't get to sleep long. It felt like he'd just barely closed his eyes when one of the men he'd been saddled with was hollering for him to wake up and get some dinner. From the faint Scottish burr in the voice he thought it was probably Snake, the medic, but frankly Alex didn't care who it was. All he wanted was to be left alone so that he could take a very long, and well deserved, inventory of his eyelids.

Groaning he tried his best to ignore their calls to him and just go back to sleep, but it seemed that just wasn't happening.

Wolf was the next to yell in his oh so charming way, "Cub! Get your lazy arse up and moving before the grub gets cold again. You wouldn't want the fruits of your _gift_ to go to waste would you?"

It seemed he just wasn't destined to get any peace, not in the near future at any rate. Wolf was at his sardonic and biting best. It seemed he really didn't like being shown up by a 'school boy'.

' _Ooops, guess I should've let them tough it out_.' Alex thought, ' _it would've salved Wolf's pride at the very least, even if everyone else had to suffer for it._ '

Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh, but the man really was insufferable with that attitude of his. Still, they had a point; he did need to eat and warm food would be better for him after the day he'd had. Being obstinate now would be like cutting off his nose to spite his face… or whatever. And anyway, even if they were right this once it didn't mean he had to like it.

Swearing under his breath in a polyglot of the languages he knew, Alex dragged his weary body out of his bedroll. He fumbled around the tiny tent for a bit while cringingly pulling his damp clothing back on, before finally emerging into the open. He then made his way over to where the others were gathered around the campfire, collapsing onto one of the makeshift log seats when he got there with a muted groan.

"It lives." Fox said in a mock spooky voice. Alex grunted and flipped him off, not really in the mood for humour at the moment.

"Hey now, that wasn't nice." Eagle said reprovingly. Alex glared muzzily at the man, but didn't have to say anything as Snake did it for him.

"Just leave the lad alone," he said with a fierce look on his thin face directed towards his teammates, "the two of you aren't exactly fluffy bunnies when you're fresh woken either." Then he turned to Alex and handed him a steaming mess tin full of stew. "Here you go, boyo. Eat up now, you don't want to be catching a chill." The mothering manner and words were more than a bit incongruous with the tough as nails soldier that Alex had only seen before this and he found himself blinking rapidly as he stifled a laugh. He nearly lost it, though, when Snake winked at him conspiratorially. Snake, it seemed, had decided that Fox and Eagle were due for some shaking up. Alex was more than happy to play along, and seeing as he wasn't the target he was interested in seeing what Snake had planned.

Snake continued to fuss over Alex, using his age, size, his own Medic status, and anything else he could think of as reasons for his sudden consideration of their extra teammate. Fox and Eagle were both just as discomfited by Snake's change in manner towards 'Cub' as the two mischief makers intended - and were looking gratifyingly confused. They had been used to the dynamic with Cub being the mostly ignored underdog, and Snake had effectively pulled the rug out from under them with his solicitous manner to the kid. They didn't like it. You could tell that they were lost and floundering a bit and neither of them knew how to act or what to do with the change.

' _About time someone else was dancing to the 'out of my depth' tune,_ ' Alex thought with an inward smirk. ' _I was getting a little tired of being the only one dancing it._ ' That's exactly how he'd felt the entire time he'd been at Brecon Beacons.

Finally Eagle burst out, "What the Hell, Snake?"

And then Fox quickly followed up with his own demand of, "Yeah, is there maybe something going on here that we need to know, or what?"

They didn't get a verbal answer to either question, but Snake made a point of catching Alex's eye and with a slight nod and wink, tapped the side of his nose. Mission accomplished. Alex actually broke down and started to chuckle with that as he shook his head. Snake wasn't such a bad guy, and if Fox and Eagle could loosen up some, they wouldn't be so bad either. Alex didn't think that it would take too long as the two had caught the little by-play between he and Snake and, catching on to the fact that they had just been had, they still didn't get the slightest bit angry. No, they just started to laugh, good naturedly sharing in the joke. Alex rather liked how it felt like he was part of the group, it wasn't a feeling he'd had before and it wasn't something he'd ever expected to find among these men.

Actually, when he wasn't the target of their odd humour, Alex thought that Fox, Eagle and Snake had never really been all that bad. The three of them had just had to realize that he hadn't been there, or tossed in with them, by his choice any more than it was theirs. He thought perhaps they might be more willing to listen now that they were getting along better… Of course, that was when Wolf had to make his appearance, muting any good cheer that had been building between Alex and the others with his sour disposition. Joy.

"Speaking of fluffy bunnies, or the lack thereof," Alex muttered under his breath. He hadn't really intended for anyone to overhear him, but his luck was holding steady at 'craptacular' and so, of course, they all heard and looked at him. Snake was grinning, Fox and Eagle both had small smiles on their faces and Wolf, he predictably was glowering.

"What was that, Double-Oh-Nothing? You had something to say, like maybe how you got your grubby little mitts on those matches you were so bloody eager to throw into our faces?" Wolf wasn't a happy camper, literally, and he wasn't above spreading the misery. "Well, how about it, we know you didn't have them when you started out, we all went through the same search for contraband, so how'd you get them?"

Alex really wasn't in the mood for Wolf's crap anymore than he'd been up for the lighter hearted version he'd gotten from the others when he'd first been rousted out of bed; he was much too tired physically and just plumb worn out, both mentally and emotionally. So he fixed a blank stare onto Wolf and answered bluntly, but with a healthy dose of biting sarcasm of his own.

"Well you see, Wolf, when I ran into the Sergeant, just before I joined your scintillating company, he had just finished lighting a cigarette and with my crack observational skills I saw which pocket he put his matches in. I then, using my strategically sound mind, made a quick judgment call and brushed by him a little closer than needed to climb the wall, as he directed me. This allowed me to very cunningly pick his pocket – and voila, I was now the proud possessor of some matches that I, as you pointed out so graciously, generously shared with you lot."

Alex put down his empty mess tin. He'd only stayed up after he'd finished eating because of how he'd miraculously seemed to have found some camaraderie with Fox, Snake and Eagle. The arrival of Wolf into their little circle had effectively killed the mood and so he was just going to go back to bed.

Nodding politely to the three he'd been getting along with, Alex said, "As you woke me to eat and I have done that, I think I shall take this as an opportune moment to retire again. For the night."

"Not so fast, Cub." Wolf snarled. "You just admitted to committing a crime against a superior while you were already serving a penalty duty. If it's discovered, what do you think is going to happen to us as your unit once they find out we used your ill-gotten matches? We're already up here because of you, do you really need to keep dragging us down?"

Alex hadn't stopped when Wolf had first spoke, and he pretty much let most of what Wolf said wash over him but he stopped dead with that last. He turned on his heel and in a few strides was back at the crackling campfire. His temper was feeling hot as the flames he stood near, "You did not just say that. You did not just say that us being up here was my fault, Mr-Forgot-About-the-CCTV-Running-Through-the-Whole-Damned-Killing-House. Because if you did I might have to come clean to our teammates about what a DICK you are!"

Wolf reared back and his swarthy face paled. Alex's theft of the matches was forgotten with such a dramatic reaction from their normally stoic leader.

"What are you talking about?" Snake asked Alex. "Why would it matter that the Killing House is wired?"

Alex nodded in Wolf's direction and said sharply, "Ask him."

"I have a feeling I am not going to like this," Eagle muttered. Then even quieter he added, "And, besides that, Wolf being a dick isn't exactly news…" Fox elbowed him and he shut up.

"Wolf, I think you should explain what the lad here is talking about." Snake said levelly, but with a hint of steel underneath.

Wolf wouldn't look any of them in the eye, but finally caved enough to explain. "He didn't trip in the Killing House, I pushed him."

"You WHAT? Why in the world would you do something like that?"

"Because I wanted him out of here! I wanted him binned. It wasn't personal, but I could tell there was something off about him." Wolf now met their eyes with his and began to speak in earnest. "He wasn't all there, it was like he was some kind of robot that was just going through the motions. If he'd kept on like that he would've got him and anyone with him killed, so I tried to get him gone. I wasn't trying to hurt him, just get him sent home." Wolf's voice trailed off at the end as he lost impetuous.

Fox asked quietly, "He had no choice in being here in the first place, Wolf, so why would you think he could even get binned?"

"Or that he had a home to go to?" Eagle added in. "You ever think there might have been a reason for why he was acting the way he was?"

Alex was feeling a bit off-balance. He was more than a bit stunned with the way the other men were getting on Wolf's case for the way he had acted. Sure it was after the fact and they hadn't seen the other crap he had pulled, but he had a feeling that if he mentioned it they would jump all over Wolf for that too.

He decided to clear the air a bit with some truth, as much as he was able to share anyway.

"It was a mixture of grief and a series of shocks all piled one on top of each other in a short time frame." Alex said quietly.

"What?" Wolf snapped, his head swivelling sharply to face Alex where he still stood beside the fire.

"The reason I was 'off'."

"Oh." Wolf eyed him suspiciously. "Care to share any of it?"

"No."

"But you _are_ awake now, right? No more zombie imitation which will get you and any team-mates you're with dead."

"Yes."

Wolf grunted, "Good. That's all I cared about. That and you keep up."

Alex rolled his eyes. "Tell you what, I'll go to sleep now and get nice and rested, and then in the morning I should be able to keep up just fine."

That said, Alex moved again towards his tent. This time he wasn't stopped and his mood when going to sleep was even more optimistic than it had been just hours ago. He had a feeling that the following day, and the rest of his time while he was stuck at Brecon Beacons for that matter, was going to be a whole lot better than it had been previous to this. So much so that he was actually looking forward to the trek back to the main camp; he had a point to prove after all.

-end- (except for the pure silliness of the epilogue)

* * *

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: And here is the final bit.. really just a fun bit of silliness to round off the more serious other two and leave you all on a lighter note. Partially inspired by a story written by 'The Furies' called 'Best of the K-Unit'. Again betaed by the wonderful **With The What Now** , leaving any remaining errors and quirks as mine. Please let me know what you think.

Acting, not _Re_ acting: epilogue  
By Marns AKA Bumpkin  
Rated PG-13  
(Wordcount: 1,490)

"Ah, home sweet hut." Alex muttered as he shuffled tiredly into the 'charmingly rustic' cabin the SAS inflicted on their soldiers at Brecon Beacons. The other four grunted in agreement, following him in with varying levels of fatigue evident. They'd had to push on their return hike and still barely made it back in time to catch the tail end of supper. The adrenaline that had been buoying them had well and truly run out.

They all stripped off just enough and fell into their respective beds; clean up could wait until the morning – they were too damn tired to bother with it now. Except, it seemed none of them could sleep. They were too tired even for that. That and they hurt too much, they had seriously overused some muscles during that hike.

"A bedtime story," Snake finally said. "Someone needs to occupy our minds with something so they can focus on something besides the way our bodies feel so we can bloody well go to sleep."

"Yeah, fine." Fox said. "But who's going to be the storyteller? Not me."

Wolf didn't even bother to say anything he just glared as per usual and Eagle snorted.

"Yeah, somehow I didn't think Wolf there was going to volunteer. Big surprise there - and I haven't got anything, nothing interesting anyway. Sorry guys, but I'm boring."

Their attention focused in his direction and Alex prudently pretended he had fallen asleep, the resilience of youth and all that supposedly allowing him to sleep when they couldn't. Thankfully they fell for it and so the attention fell back on Snake whose idea it had been in the first place. He huffed. Then he said testily, "Fine, I'll tell the bleeding story – give me a moment to recall something that you lot of ingrates will find interesting."

Silence fell in the hut, except for the creaking of the old cots as sore bodies shifted to ease assorted pains while they waited. The rain pattering on the thin roof drummed steadily over their heads and the accompanying wind snuck through cracks in the walls and around the more man made openings, whistling slightly as it did so. The longer the quiet held, the more everyone began to fall into their own wandering thoughts. Some more melancholy than others, but none were overly cheerful – except for Snake. He'd been thinking with a purpose after all.

"Okay, I got one." He said out the blue and everyone jumped. Including the pretend sleeping Alex, but nobody was looking in his direction, thankfully.

Snake looked amusedly at his team-mates, "A bit jumpy, aren't we? Anyway, as I was saying, I've thought of a story to tell you guys. It's a funny one, or maybe ribald would be the better way to describe it, but no matter what you want to call it, you don't need to be afraid to laugh."

He got mumbling noises of assent from all of the conscious ones, Alex just snorted quietly into his pillow. He didn't know if he should be listening to something a SAS man would call ribald, he _was_ only fourteen after all. Then Snake started and Alex couldn't stop himself.

"All right boys, this happened to me a long time ago – back when I was still foolish enough to think I could drink my own bodyweight in beer of a night and suffer no ill effects – and me and some mates had gone out to tip a few back at the local pub. Now this pub was an old fixture of the town and they held with some old-fashioned notions, one of these was that if you had a clan tartan you wore it. So there we were, in kilts, and drinking like the morrow was never going to come. Well, I guess I should say, I was drinking like the next day wasn't going to come - my mates didn't drink near as much as I did since they had to work the next morning bright and early. But I was still fancy free and so I kept pouring them back like there was no tomorrow. This, of course, led to me being too drunk to walk when it came time to head home. So my mates, leaving me napping on the grass under a tree at the side of the road in my bleeding kilt, went off to find some other way to haul my carcass back home than being stuck carrying me the whole way. Not that I blame them, I wasn't the lightest bloke in the world."

"You still aren't." Eagle piped up. "I don't blame them either."

"Hear, hear!" chimed in Fox.

They both laughed and Wolf smiled. Alex was smiling too into his pillow, but his mind was also ticking over – he could swear Snake's 'ribald tale' here was sounding very familiar, like he'd already heard it somewhere before but he couldn't place where that might have been. He thought it might have been one of the offbeat things he picked up thanks to Jack, one of the things he'd learned due to her odd American influence on his life, but wasn't sure.

Snake glared at them, "Do you want me to tell this or not? I don't have to you know."

"No, no, please, go on. We're sorry and we'll behave."

Snake huffed, and looked at them narrowly, but continued his story, "Well anyway, when they were just coming back to get me, they told me they saw two gals as they happened upon my sorry passed out self and that they overheard one gal say to the other, 'I wonder if what they say is true about a Scotsman and what they don't wear underneath their kilt?'."

Snickers and sniggers sounded from the men in the hut. It seemed they had an idea of what Snake was talking about and found it funny. Alex, on the other hand, nearly gave himself away as still being awake as he near killed himself trying not to laugh for another reason entirely.

He'd finally figured out where Snake had gotten the 'story' from, he was telling them the 'Tale of the Drunken Scotsman' by the Irish Rovers, and Alex was rather impressed at how naturally Snake had managed to change it to something that could have actually happened to him – with some added friends for witnesses to tell the parts where the 'Scotsman' wouldn't have seen anything. Sure, he'd seen how Snake liked to prank the others during their dinner together on the hike but he never would have thought the man would mock himself like this in order to get one over on them.

Snake had waited until they calmed down and then continued, "Then, I was told, these bold lasses crept up on my poor, defenseless, inebriated, passed-out, drunken slob self and _peeked_ under my kilt, which I was wearing regulation if you hadn't guessed, and got an eyeful."

"Whoo, think highly of yourself, don't you?" Eagle crowed laughing. "I would've said she got a _wee_ bit of something in her eye."

Snake looked highly insulted while Alex was grinning quietly in his corner unseen. Fox snorted as he tried to hold back his own laughter, and then gave in and guffawed. Wolf just chuckled before demanding that Snake continue.

"Fine, as I said, they got an eyeful and I guess they felt that they needed to leave me something in thanks. My friends told me they did something they couldn't see, since it had been night and dark, but when I woke the next afternoon and stumbled into the loo we all found out exactly what those two lasses had done. They'd gone and tied a blue ribbon around my tadger like it had won first prize!"

He couldn't have asked for a better reaction from his audience. All three men gasped, gaped and otherwise choked, not knowing _what_ to say or how to react to the end of Snake's little story.

That was it, Alex broke.

He couldn't take it anymore and began to howl with laughter. All four men turned to stare at him as they realized they'd been had and he'd been awake the whole time. The four faces turned towards him wore varying levels of confusion as he laughed so hard he was almost crying.

Then he finally got enough breath back to warble, "~Ring-ding didle idle i de-o, Ring dye didley i oh~". Then he dissolved back into giggles that didn't look to be ending any time soon.

Three of the faces looking at the laughing Alex stayed looked confused, but the fourth cleared as it lit with understanding and promptly creased into laughter of its own. Snake obviously hadn't expected to be caught out, but he didn't seem to mind that he had been.

"Hunh, you get the feeling that we missed something there?" Fox asked Wolf and Eagle. The other two just nodded while Cub and Snake kept laughing.

-end-

 _The Tale of the Drunken Scotsman by the Irish Rovers_

 _Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair/And one could tell by how he walked the he'd drunk more than his share_   
_He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet/And he stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street_

 _Refrain: Ring-ding didle idle i de-o /Ring dye didley i oh /_   
_He stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street_

 _About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by /One says to the other, with a twinkle in her eye_   
_"See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong a handsome built? /I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt."_

 _Refrain: Ring-ding didle idle i de-o /Ring dye didley i oh_   
_I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt_

 _They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be/Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see_   
_And there, behold, for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt/Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth_

 _Refrain: Ring-ding didle idle i de-o /Ring dye didley i oh_   
_Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth_

 _They marveled for a moment, then one said "We must be gone./Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along"_   
_As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied in to a bow/Around the bonnie star the Scot's kilt did lift and show_

 _Refrain: Ring-ding didle iidle i de-o /Ring dye didley i oh_   
_Around the bonnie star the scot's kilt did lift and show_

 _Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees/Behind the bush he lifts his kilt, and gawks at what he sees_   
_And in a startled voice he says, to what's before his eyes, /"Lad, I don't know where ya been, but I see you've won first prize"_

 _Refrain: Ring-ding didle idle i de-o /Ring dye didley i oh_   
_Lad, I don't know where you've been, but I see you've won first prize_

**Author's Note:**

> AN: I want to thank With the What Now for doing an awesome beta job and helping me find some direction with this little story, she actually helped expand it from the original 'one-shot' to the more than 'one-shot' it turned into. Any and all leftover errors are all mine of course, that and my little idiosyncrasies. Let me know what you think please.


End file.
